Squandering It on Independent Living

I just looked back at all my old posts, and I really do have it pretty good. I've kind of been in a stinky mood the past several weeks (not that anyone but Philip really noticed) and haven't felt much of anything except tired, cranky, and a bit judgemental (about everything and too many people). I went to Beth Moore on Monday night, and my world was rocked. This isn't the first one I'd been to, but while I've been in this mood, I've also been pretty closed off to allowing God to work in my life. Beth's series right now is on inheritance, and Monday night was about how we all squander our inheritance at one time or another and often many times. Well, guess who's been squandering? She taught the story of the prodigal son in such a new light (Luke 15:11-32), and I wouldn't say I've been the prodigal in the sense that most people think because I haven't "squandered on wild living" (in fact I haven't even missed a church service), but my hearts been a million miles away from God. I've been wanting to do things my own way and on my own strength (even though I know and continually remind myself I can't!). I'm so stubborn. I'm not really sure where I go from here and how to get myself on the road back home, but I know I need to fall on my face in repentance for the way I've acted and continue everyday to turn my independence over to Him. I don't to end up eating with the pigs before I decide to turn things around.

I know God is faithful, and he doesn't make me do anything. He's there waiting for me, and I have to chose each day whether I'm going to follow Him or my own desires. (Joshua 24:15, a friend brought this scripture to my attention the other day and doesn't realize how God is using that common scripture in my life).