It's hard to believe that it has been over a week since one of my best and longest friends left this earth. I already miss his hugs and his smile and his "Love you, Lace". He impacted more people than he knew in his 24 years which was evident by the near 750 people at his funeral service, but I can honestly say that because of the impact Logan Matak had on my life I am in a growing relationship with Christ and married and in ministry with my wonderful husband. I had never thought about it before, but Logan’s impact on my life has brought me to where I am today.
Logan has been a part of my life since middle school. We were in band together, and we both played percussion so we spent many class days sitting at the back of the room together. This was when he evidently began to develop a crush on me, but, as he thoroughly enjoyed pointing out, "I was a snob". A very good friend of mine started dating his brother and our paths crossed often. We were not close, but we were friends. That all changed when I was a sophomore in high school and went to winter retreat with a very small group from our church (Philip, Logan, Elizabeth, and few others), and he was a huge part of that group. I didn't have any close friends at the retreat with me, and I got to know and learned about these wonderful people. We got home from winter retreat, and Logan and Philip asked if I would start coming to Monday night Bible Study (probably because of the crush), and I said "Yes". My life would never be the same. I began to do everything with this group and started to see that living my life in a constant relationship with Christ was not something to be afraid of. One of the first few weeks I was at Bible Study, Ms. Gina asked us to set goals for reading the Bible. I had NEVER read the Bible other than at church, but I said I wanted to try to read it everyday. From that day on, everyday at school when Logan and I crossed paths on our way to a class he asked me, "Lacey, did you read your Bible last night?" He encouraged me when I would say “no” and rejoiced with me when I was doing well. I knew he was going to ask everyday, and because of it, was spurred on to a deeper relationship with Christ.
His crush on me began to become more evident, and he would call and thank me for coming to his basketball and baseball games. We went to TWIRP and prom together that year, and I probably led him on a little bit. I quickly realized by the frequency of phone calls and conversations with Whitney and Elizabeth that this crush was not just going to diminish, and I let him know that I was not interested. (I was interested in his best friend, Philip) Even after I told him, we continued to do things together as a group and he was still my friend. Even when people hurt him, he loved them. Eventually Philip asked him for permission to date me. I will never forget that night. Philip called and explained to me how when he asked Logan for his permission he said "She doesn't like me, go for it". He was gracious. Philip dated several girls that Logan had liked, and when he brought that up Logan said, "You are my best friend, and I'll let you steal every girl I like until you find the one you're going to marry." Again, he loved deeply and unconditionally. The next night was spent with Logan, and nothing seemed different except that Philip held my hand. We were all friends.
The closer I got to Philip, the closer I got to Logan. He became someone I talked to regularly and even called for help. He became a part of my family just as much as Philip, and I spent many nights at his parents house watching movies and playing games. The three of us spent hours together at church, baseball games (me watching them, of course, then hanging out afterwards), with Bruce and Gina at their house, and Philip and I didn’t have many dates with just the two of us because we wanted Logan to come. As we got older and went to college, he always checked up on me and was the person from home I stayed in contact the most (except Philip). He and Philip made midnight trips to Waco from Panola, we floated the river in San Marcos, and he was there the night Philip proposed holding the first box I opened that led to Philip asking me to marry him. He was one of the best men and at our wedding and cried more than anyone. Logan was always there for our big moments, and he loved seeing his friends happy. He loved us and we love him.
Logan is already being missed, and I can’t imagine ever getting to a point where I don’t miss him. My heart is heavy when I think about never seeing him again, and my heart is even heavier at the thought of his best friend, my husband, never seeing him again. He brought joy to my life in a unique way. Looking back on the way that he gave of himself and loved others, he is a great example of someone living out Christ’s love. I have confidence that he is in Heaven praising his Lord and Savior which makes me proud, but at the same time I am hurt and jealous. I want the hurt to go away, but I honestly feel guilt about feeling better. I am, also, confident that God is sovereign and has a plan and that this will make more sense as time passes, but right now I'm confused. Logan was a beautiful person and because of God using him as a part of my life, I am where I am today.
Thank you, Logan, for loving me, and thank you, God, for blessing my life with such an amazing friend.
